Telling a man what you want in bed can sometimes be difficult. You don’t want to hurt his feelings. He may think your sex life is perfect, so telling him he could learn a few new tricks might make him feel insecure. However, beating around the bush and hinting at what you want in bed can often make it worse since he may never get it.

How to tell a man what you want in bed:

This is a dilemma that has plagued humanity since the first time a caveman made a pass at a cavewoman. The caveman just wants to please. Unfortunately, he is a caveman. He was not born with the innate knowledge of the ways of the clitoris and the even more intricate folds of a woman’s mind. Once he gets excited, all subtlety and restraint get tossed out of the cave and he becomes a specimen resembling more ape than man. The cavewoman, of course, just wants him to get it without having to blurt out specific instructions. The reality is that, again, he is a caveman. I happen to believe that language began when a sexually frustrated cavewoman invented it to explain to her neanderthal how to make her cum. Believe it or not, even I, Dr. V have been informed that I could use a tweak in my technique. My wife also told me that she was reluctant to tell me what I was doing wrong because it took something away from the experience for her if she knew that I was merely doing what she told me to do. As men (or cavemen), it is difficult for us to wrap our minds around this. Assuming your partner is a caring and attentive lover, he is likely eager to please. I know you don’t want to flat out tell him, but maybe that’s what needs to be done. The first time or two after your talk may be awkward, but this phase is sure to quickly pass. It’s like the old biblical parable; Give a man a fish and he eats for a day….Teach a man to give head, and you get orgasms for life.

Adult movies and teaching what you want in bed:

Still, if you are insistent on beating around the proverbial bush, one idea to open his mind is to go to the local adult movie store and ask for a film that is woman-centric (yes, they exist), or even a lesbian film if that doesn’t offend. Tell your boyfriend you want him to copy some of the things he sees and that he is not allowed penetration until you climax. Another game you can play is to tell him you want to explore each others’ bodies but without using your hands on any genitals. This can be very erotic and sensual and is usually good for at least a few minutes of creative foreplay.

Should you tell a man what you want in bed:

My final word on this though has to be that you ladies need to get over this idea of the perfect lover who is born with the intrinsic knowledge of a woman’s clit. This man does not exist. When I meet the woman who knows, from the first time, how to give a proper hand job, I might reconsider my position. Until then, I say, just have a talk with him. When you are reaping the benefits, you will thank me. Just don’t call out, “Thank you Dr. V,” when you do. That won’t be good for anyone.